There’s no doubt about it; having a beard is f*cking awesome. But, there’s certainly a short list of serious burdens that come along with owning one.
Let’s hit the ground running and take a look at some of the things you could be doing that bearded men secretly HATE having to deal with.
YOU DON’T SEE US TUGGING ON YOUR PONYTAIL
So, personally, this is one of my biggest gripes.
You’re at a bar, and someone that you haven’t seen in a while happens to be there…
What’s the first thing they notice about you? Well duh, you’re beard! But, instead of calmly saying, “I like the new look!”, they just HAVE to touch it.
Not. F*cking. Cool.
Here’s the deal; if you have a long beard, you know too well how much time and effort it takes to keep it looking good. I know before I leave my house, that there isn’t a beard-hair out of place, and it took a glob of beard-balm and twenty minutes of methodical combing to get it that way.
So, when you give it a tug, just know we’re immediately going to search for a mirror to see how much damage you’ve done to the look… and we secretly hate you for it.
NO, WE DON’T NEED A REASON TO BE GROWING A BEARD
This might just be an American thing, but some people grow out their beard just in the event that their favorite sports team made it to the Playoffs (or Championships).
At least once a month, I’ll have someone comment on my “Sick Playoff Beard!”, which is annoying, because I’m not trying to mimic some millionaire baseball player just because it’s that time of year again.
It’s safe to assume that 99% of bearded men are growing a beard because they think it looks great on them! So, instead of asking, “Why are you growing a beard?“, which evokes a bit of defensiveness, maybe ask something like, “How long have you been growing it out?”
WE DON’T CARE WHY YOU CHOOSE NOT TO GROW ONE
I think people are starting to realize that beards have made quite a comeback into modern fashion trends and culture.
With that popularity, comes a bit of jealousy from those who are not willing to commit to growing one. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a group of people chatting about facial hair (or just explaining my beard, so to speak) and there’s always that one guy that has to say something snide.
“My job doesn’t allow me to grow one…“, or, “I wish I could grow one, but I need to look professional at work…”.
If you need to explain to a group of people why you “don’t want” to grow a beard, you’re not worthy of having one in the first place!
So there you have it, it’s not a very long list of annoyances, but the ones listed certainly pack a punch. And ladies, if you muuust touch a man’s beard, we are usually pretty forgiving…